ואהבת לרעך כמוך אני ה’ (קדושים יט:יח)

At the wedding of Reb Yochanan Twerski zt”l—son of Reb Pinya’le of Ustila zt”l and son-in-law of Maran Reb Yissachar Dov of Belz zt”l—to the daughter of the Atzei Chaim of Siget zt”l, the kallah’s father was no longer alive. Representing the kallah’s side were her grandfather, Harav R’ Shulem Eliezer of Ratzfert zt”l, together with her uncle, the Satmar Rebbe zt”l.

When it came time to hold the traditional “Chassan’s meal”—a custom in Chornobyl to conduct a meal the night before the wedding during which the chassan and kallah would see each other—the Satmar Rebbe objected. He explained that his grandfather, the Yismach Moshe zt”l, had ruled against this practice, and they could not deviate from his directive.

Reb Pinya’le responded that he, too, could not depart from the customs of his forefathers, who did observe this practice. He related that a similar situation once arose with his father-in-law, Maran Reb Yissachar Dov of Belz zt”l. One of his mechutanim had also opposed the chassan’s meal, yet Maran insisted on maintaining the custom. When asked for its basis, he cited the Gemara (קידושין מא), which teaches: “אסור לאדם שיקדש את האשה עד שיראנה, שמא יראה בה דבר מגונה ותתגנה עליו,”—it is forbidden for a man to betroth a woman before seeing her, lest he find something unappealing and she become repulsive to him. Chazal encouraged that the chassan see the kallah beforehand, to strengthen the bond of אהבה אחוה ורעות.