כי אם לשארו הקרוב אליו לאמו ולאביו… (אמור כא:ב)

Rabenu Bachya explains the anomaly that we find between this Posuk – where the mother is mentioned before the father – and the Posuk further on (פסוק יא) when the Torah discusses the laws about the Kohen Godol (high priest) it places the father before the mother: ”לאביו ולאמו לא יטמא” (to his father and his mother he shall not defile himself).  We know that the word “שארו” is interpreted by Chazal as “his wife”; to line up his parents after his wife, the mother comes first so that the father would not be placed between two women.

Here is a story that illustrates the importance of this concept:

Rabbi Yitzchok Shlomo Ungar Ztz”l was the Rabbi at the Chug Chatam Sofer community in Bnei Brak.  He told a story about his illustrious grandfather, Rabbi Yechiel Mechel Ungar Ztz”l, who in his youth attended the Yeshiva in Pressburgh (Austrian Empire, now “Bratislava”, capital of the Czech Republic) – during the tenure of the Ksav Sofer Ztz”l.  Reb Yechiel Mechel was nicknamed the “Shabbos Bochur” (Shabbos youth) as he ate his Shabbos meals with his Rebbe, the Ksav Sofer.  While all other students had their meals with people in town, this Talmid was the special Shabbos guest of the Rosh Yeshiva.

In those days – unlike nowadays, where the Yeshiva provides meals in a dining room – the Yeshiva system was based on rotating the Talmidim amongst the local Ba’ale Battim for meals. This was called “essen teg” (eating days) as they ate in a different household daily.  It so happened that the family where young Yechiel Mechel Ungar was allotted arranged the seating around his Shabbos table so that the Yeshiva student was seated between his two daughters.  The boy wouldn’t have any of this, so he slipped out of the house and went to the outskirts of town, where he nibbled on some food and sang Shabbos songs to keep his spirit up.

Unbeknownst to him, just then, the Ksav Sofer’s Rebbetzin was taking a stroll in the woods and chanced upon a lone figure whose songs filled the crisp forest air.  When she arrived home, she apprised her husband – the Rosh Yeshiva of this, and the Ksav Sofer sent for the boy to come to his home.  At first, the Ksav Sofer could not make the Bochur divulge the reason for his ‘solo picnic’ on a Shabbos afternoon, but when he pressed the boy to tell him the whole story, the boy had to explain the situation to his Rebbe.  Upon hearing the reason why his Talmid absconded the Shabbos meal at his host, forgoing a healthy Shabbos meal so as not to have to sit in between two young ladies, the Rosh Yeshiva extended his invitation to the Bochur, requesting he join his meals every Shabbos.